Remembering Kayda

June 23, 2009 is the 9th anniversary of Kayda's death. Here are some pictures of her on her 6th Birthday and one of her playing with a toy she got for Christmas when she was 6.

I still miss my girl. And, this anniversary is made more poignant after having just lost Trevor 6 months ago. Today I was out looking for something in memory of Kayda. I usually get an angel bear but am having trouble finding them lately. But, I went in to a card store and found this statue of a boy and girl angel sitting on a bench holding hands. The boy is pointing something out to the girl. I started to cry when I saw it but knew I had to get it. I've put it on the case that has the mould of Trevor's and my hands. It's so beautiful. I can just picture them sitting and talking together.

I know the plans I have for you

I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future, not to harm you. This is a rough paraphrase of a verse that went through my head a lot in the difficult days after Trevor's death. It's been exactly 6 months since those horrible days in which I thought my world had ended. But it hasn't, nor has it ended for Trevor. He's whole and well and free. And, although I miss him terribly still my life has laughter and love in it again. This past weekend was our church family camp. Last year it happened just before the anniversary of Kayda's death and I just couldn't make myself be happy and free. I decided that I wouldn't attend camp this year even though it's a week earlier. I never dreamed camp would happen exactly 6 months after Trevor died. But, now there is R and I knew she'd enjoy it so I decided we'd go during the day. It was different from before but it was good. She did have a good time which was wonderful to see. Life has changed and right now it's good.

I still don't know what is happening with her. We're still fighting the group home idea. And now she and her mom are fighting along with me to keep her here. That's a huge change from their feelings when she first came. God has really been working in this situation. We will enjoy being together however long that may be. And, if she moves on, I know God still has good plans for my life.