Remembering Kayda

June 23, 2009 is the 9th anniversary of Kayda's death. Here are some pictures of her on her 6th Birthday and one of her playing with a toy she got for Christmas when she was 6.

I still miss my girl. And, this anniversary is made more poignant after having just lost Trevor 6 months ago. Today I was out looking for something in memory of Kayda. I usually get an angel bear but am having trouble finding them lately. But, I went in to a card store and found this statue of a boy and girl angel sitting on a bench holding hands. The boy is pointing something out to the girl. I started to cry when I saw it but knew I had to get it. I've put it on the case that has the mould of Trevor's and my hands. It's so beautiful. I can just picture them sitting and talking together.

I know the plans I have for you

I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future, not to harm you. This is a rough paraphrase of a verse that went through my head a lot in the difficult days after Trevor's death. It's been exactly 6 months since those horrible days in which I thought my world had ended. But it hasn't, nor has it ended for Trevor. He's whole and well and free. And, although I miss him terribly still my life has laughter and love in it again. This past weekend was our church family camp. Last year it happened just before the anniversary of Kayda's death and I just couldn't make myself be happy and free. I decided that I wouldn't attend camp this year even though it's a week earlier. I never dreamed camp would happen exactly 6 months after Trevor died. But, now there is R and I knew she'd enjoy it so I decided we'd go during the day. It was different from before but it was good. She did have a good time which was wonderful to see. Life has changed and right now it's good.

I still don't know what is happening with her. We're still fighting the group home idea. And now she and her mom are fighting along with me to keep her here. That's a huge change from their feelings when she first came. God has really been working in this situation. We will enjoy being together however long that may be. And, if she moves on, I know God still has good plans for my life.

Another new experience

Well, I continue to have new experiences and challenges with miss R. We've been struggling over getting her into a good routine with her bowels. It seems to be feast or famine for her going on her own. I was told to increase her senekot each day but nothing changed. Well, on Monday R asked me to put something in the garbage can that is near where she is most of the time. Lo and behold, there were 3 orange pills in the garbage!!!!!! I haven't had to deal with something like that since I caught a 5 year old daycare child hiding spoonfuls of yogurt under the toy shelves. I just commented that that was why the senekot wasn't working. I now stand over her while she takes her pills.

Life continues to be interesting with her. But it's also good. I enjoy seeing her blossom and take pride in what she does. She's planning to make a special surprise dinner for her caregiver and her boyfriend on Friday.

I still don't know how long she'll be here. The ministry is trying to put her into a medical group home for financial reasons. Another section of the ministry may fund her care here. Clearly she's better off here than in a medical setting.

Update from here

It's been ages since I posted an update here. Life is very busy with R in the house. Her care is very intense so there is little extra time each day. She is very limitted as to how much she can sit in her wheelchair each day. I try to make sure we do as much as possible together during those times. She loves to craft so we do a fair amount of that.

I'm finding that I quite enjoy having an older more alert person to care for. It's funny how after both Kayda and Trevor died I thought I knew what/who I needed or wanted. Trevor wasn't who I'd wanted but he was the exact right child for me. R wasn't who I had in mind as to who was most appropriate for me to care for either but she's exactly the perfect person for me right now.

I still expect to get C but don't know when. Right now R's care is too intense for me to care for anyone else. I've said I can't take anyone else until she no longer needs the wound vac. It's a royal pain to deal with.

There are definitely challenges that I haven't had to deal with before behaviour wise. So far God seems to give me the wisdom for each challenge when I need it. She's really very good. She just doesn't have a good sense as to what needs to be done to keep herself healthy. She's had 19 years of not having proper routines, it's going to take a long time to build them. I hope she's here long enough to build some skills in how to keep herself healthy. I don't know how long she'll be here. She and her mom have decided that it will be at least until her wound is healed-several months. We're hoping by that time they'll agree to the decompression surgery she needs and will leave her here until she's recovered from that. Perhaps then they'll realize she's better off staying here long term. Right now I'm grateful for each day she's here.

She keeps me laughing.

An Easter with smiles and laughter and life

Happy Easter! Although I wasn't able to make it to church today for Easter, I was still overwhelmed with gratefulness for what Christ did for me and what today meant. I kept thinking how different Easter was than Christmas had been. There were no smiles in any of the pictures taken here on Christmas this past year. It was only 10 days after Trevor's sudden death.

Today there were constant smiles and laughter with 2 kids in the house. Z who is 15 is a funny little guy and finds joy in just about anything: as long as Elvis or the Disney sing a long songs are playing. He's just here for the weekend. R who will be 19 on Tuesday is also a constant source of laughter. She's a real tease. Even when she's upset with her circumstances she can still tease and joke. And she's a real companion. Her face lit up when she saw her Easter basket this morning. I haven't had a kid who eats to buy Easter stuff for in a long time. I went all out. I even bought stuff for C who hasn't arrived yet. It will keep-I hope it doesn't find it's way into my stomach. Although my heart aches for Trevor, life goes on here. And for me, having these children as part of my life is so important. This is what I love to do more than anything else.

It's so good to have life in this house again.

Not Lonely any more

My newest houseguest arrived on Wednesday. She's a lovely girl. It's different having someone in the house who talks and talks back. I'm really enjoying her. I was wrong in saying she has fewer care needs than Trevor or Kayda did. She actually has lots more. One thing is that she has to be moved every 2 hours to avoid further problems with her pressure sore. That's a pain for both of us. At least we were able to get the seating therapist to agree that she can use Trevor's comfy chair with the cushion from her wheelchair as an alternative position. And, the couch is also ok. At least she doesn't have to go on her bed when ever she's out of her chair. The last 2 days have been busy with various people coming to check things out. My little guy who comes for respite arrived today. Hopefully things will go smoothly over the next couple of days.

I hope to meet the other young man towards the end of this coming week. After this weekend I won't have anyone for respite for the rest of the month. That will give us time to get my new family settled. Neither can be transported in a regular seat so I won't be able to take both out at the same time-in the van anyways. R will get her power chair soon-therapist just has to approve the cushion and C can also wheel his own wheelchair short distances so walks will be possible. The bus would also be a possibility. C will be in school or a day program 5 days a week which will help.

So, I'm not lonely and am happy to have life in the house again. At first I was feeling like I was betraying Trevor by being so happy to have someone new, but it's like I've said before, Trevor's work was done, mine isn't. It appears that I'm developing a reputation as people that had never met me before were the ones who suggested I should have R. They thought we'd be a good match. I agree that we are. And, I know that if she doesn't stay long term there will always be more people needing homes.

What a week!!!!

When Trevor died, I told the social worker I wanted to be kept busy with kids. It's now been 3 1/2 months since his death and for most of that time I've been on my own. Well, that's about to end and in a big way. Last Friday I was told that I'd be getting a 19 year old boy full time and that I'd be allowed to continue to do respite for the 2 children I'd been caring for. I was very excited. This young man is more advanced cognitively than Trevor was and I am looking forward to seeing what all he and I can do. But, then, on Monday morning the social worker called me and said there was a bit of a wrinkle in our plans. When the 2 social workers got back to their office after seeing me Friday they were told that there's a young girl who needs a home right away. So...........it looks like I'm getting both. I will be meeting this young lady tomorrow and she will likely come to stay on Monday. She has spina bifida and is currently in hospital. Officially she's here for a few months but it may become permanent. On Friday I will likely be meeting the young man. I'm not sure exactly when he'll come to stay. There are a number of things we'll have to figure out. Fortunately this house has 3 bedrooms. So one will go in my room and I'll sleep in either the room used for the respite children or in the craft room. I'm going to have to get creative in where my books and clothes and such go. And do a major rearranging in both sheds outside. I'm cautious about having 2 full time with a 3rd 8-10 days a month. I will obviously need help. One thing that I have to see is if the girl can sit in a regular car seat. If not I won't have a way to transport all 3 of us at once. Hopefully I'll know that tomorrow.

I just hope I can take good care of more than one child at a time. Both have fewer care needs than Trevor or Kayda did so I think it's possible. I'm sort of hoping that the boy can wait until after Easter to come to stay as I have a child for respite for 5 days over Easter. But, it would also be nice for him to have Easter in his new home. The next week or so will be interesting. I'm glad I've had a good rest these last few months.