No Regrets

Trevor's death continues to be very painful for me. I'm not having as much success blocking out the pain this week as I did last week. But, when grief threatens to overwhelm me I think about his life with me and know that I have only one regret: that was that I didn't let him get closer to the water when we were on the beach at the Gulf of Mexico. I let my fear of the water and the waves interfere with that. But, Trevor never held that against me. He was happy where he was. Other than that, there isn't one thing I wanted him to do or place I wanted him to go or event I wanted him to see that we didn't do. It would have been nice for him to meet Pete Seeger but logistically that wasn't possible and Pete may not have even wanted to meet him. But, hey, Trevor got to meet Barney in person and see a live Barney show-twice actually. At the time Barney was his favorite character.

I have the comfort of knowing that we packed as much life as possible in the 7 years and 9 months that he lived with me. And, I have the physical evidence of that life in his scrapbooks. That drives me to keep going and to finish doing all the events we have pictures for. I had skipped a lot of events over the years. I'm now done our Disney World 2008 pictures and am working on the few I had of fall 2008. Once that's done I'll start doing our Christmas pictures. That will include his end of life. I feel I have to get that out of the way and then I can go back and fill in the blanks. This way we'll never forget all that Trevor did in his short life. I'm so grateful to God that he allowed me to do all the things we did. We couldn't have done it without the friends that helped financially and physically.