Feeling more peaceful

After needing a major attitude adjustment Saturday evening I'm feeling much better today. I was able to work on scrapbooking pictures of our DW trip without crying tonight. That's a big improvement. I even managed to get through church without crying. I sat in the same place Trevor and I have always sat. I started to look at the space where his chair would have been and get teary eyed but stopped myself. I even got through singing one of the songs we'd sung at his memorial service (In Christ Alone). My friend Heather had her arm around me for that one. It was good to be back at church.

I've been reading through a devotional book by Kathe Wunnenberg called Grieving the Loss of a Loved One. Today's reading started a section on crying; I certainly know all about that these days. She included a poem she wrote which I thought was good:

There is a time and season for tears.
When your heart is full of anguish,
they begin to flow as naturally as raindrops from heaven.
There is a hidden beauty in tears, a welcome cleansing about them.
They should be shed boldly in public or in solitude.
They symbolize how much you have loved and lost.
They commemorate and celebrate your loved ones.
There is a holiness about your tears.
Each one is a prayer that only God can understand.
He created them and shed them Himself.
They are His reminder to you that your soul can have no rainbows,
if your eyes have no tears.

I met a young man yesterday who may come here either to stay or just for respite. There are a lot of things about him that remind me of Trevor. His family is coming to meet me tomorrow night. We'll see what they say. I'd be happy to take him if that's what they want but am really more inclined to want to do respite for the time being as then I can care for more kids and help more families-I'd still only have one child at a time most of the time but could help out more families over all.

Before they come I will need to tidy up Trevor's room. I haven't been able to spend any time in there since he died so it may be a challenge. One of his caregivers is coming for a visit tomorrow afternoon so she can offer moral support if needed. I won't do more than just tidy things up. There's no point in putting stuff away until I know what will be needed.